A Song For Kilts

How grand the human race would be
  If every man would wear a kilt,
A flirt of Tartan finery,
  Instead of trousers, custom built!
Nay, do not think I speak to joke:
  (You know I'm not that kind of man),
I am convinced that all men folk.
  Should wear the costume of a Clan.
Imagine how it's braw and clean
  As in the wind it flutters free;
And so conducive to hygiene
  In its sublime simplicity.
No fool fly-buttons to adjust,--
  Wi' shanks and maybe buttocks bare;
Oh chiels, just take my word on trust,
  A bonny kilt's the only wear.

'Twill save a lot of siller too,
  (And here a canny Scotsman speaks),
For one good kilt will wear you through
  A half-a-dozen pairs of breeks.
And how it's healthy in the breeze!
  And how it swings with saucy tilt!
How lassies love athletic knees
  Below the waggle of a kilt!

True, I just wear one in my mind,
  Since sent to school by Celtic aunts,
When girls would flip it up behind,
  Until I begged for lowland pants.
But now none dare do that to me,
  And so I sing with lyric lilt,--
How happier the world would be
  If every male would wear a kilt!

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"A Song For Kilts" Poetry.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 30 May 2020. <https://www.poetry.net/poem/31958/a-song-for-kilts>.

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