Wǒ de nǚ'ér (My Daughter)- Full Version

And although she had many friends,
She did not have a one-of-a-kind.
No one to tell secrets to,
And no one to feel her sorrows.
So when she came to the kitchen
With sorrow streaming down her face,
She only had her Bà sitting next to her
As she wept,
His silver-speckled brows
Furrowed with concern,
Because he didn’t know
How to hold her.

Wǒ de bàba,
I know my sadness confuses you.
I came back from the frigid night,
To sit on our old play structure
Who had grown old with lichen and moss,
So I could listen to melancholic melodies
And mask my pain from your concern,
But you still came
To usher me in,
And you told me it was too cold out.
And you asked me,
“Mèimei! Why are you crying?”
To which I began to cry harder.
I know you did not know the reason for my tears,
Because you asked me every time the clock changed by one,
But I could not give you an answer.
Instead, I told you a story
A hiccupping attempt to lead you through it,
Marred by the naïve agitation
That laid heavy on your sunken wrinkles.
Your face began to fall in resignation
As you knew this day would come,
Where you and I had to dig deep
Into our jiā’s turbulence,
But we did not get lost in it all
You held onto me.
And I onto you.
We let go at the end
Connection is not our strong suit,
But my hands feel a gentle warmth now
Where you held me in an attempt of solicitude.
Wǒ de bàba,
I understand you.

Wǒ de nǚ'ér,
I know you do not like to tell us things.
You came back from a friend’s house,
Your lips hung up on a heavy silence
You mumbled,
“I just want to be outside for a little while,”
And brushed past me
Dropping only your backpack behind,
Leaving wet shoeprints that your mother would’ve frowned at.
It was too cold out for you
So I kept a close eye,
Your phone lit up your face
And I could see you were swirling in the things
That you never tell us about.
I went outside to get you,
Forgetting to put on my coat
And I did not know what to do,
When I saw the tears on your face.
I am an engineer
So I tried to get to the root of your problems
And solve for the missing answer,
Errors led to errors
My equation fell apart,
But you did not fret,
You gave me your lines of code
Though I do not know this language.
You sobbed as you told me everything,
And at that moment you reminded me
Of your gēgē,
Who too also went through things
That he did not like to tell us about.
As you told me your story,
I tried to tell you mine
I know it hurts you
When your māmā and I fight,
When I can’t find the courage to say
I love you,
And I know we spent too many nights
Leaving our daughter alone in her room.
I tried my best to be good,
Because I know our parents weren’t
It still hurt you.
You asked to see somebody
Of which I didn’t understand,
But I said yes
I want to help you.
That was that,
You skipped the steps on the stairs like you always do
Up and into your room,
And I knew it was over.
I know you will never speak of this moment to me
But I hope it prevails in your heart.
Wǒ de nǚ'ér,
I am sorry.