We shouldn't have stayed

-We shouldn't have stayed

Women and children are coerced to live under harsh and tormenting circumstances simply because the perpetrator puts food on the table and clothes on their backs. The reality according to my accession is that our living conditions have done away with the ancient principle of “neighbourhoodism” - I shall call it, when my child was our child too.

It silently saddens me most that I turn a blind eye when a dear friend, a sister and a mother tells me that the reason she has a black eye is because she walked into the door - sister, I know that he beat you up last night when he was drunk as hell when he came home demanding food that he didn’t buy. I’ve searched and exhausted all knowledge avenues at my disposal trying to make sense of why would you stay when all I ever do is put you and the kids down, when cursing is the only language that I use at you, making you feel like less of a human being. Why would you stay when you know that my idea of polygamy is with you and our daughters? Why would you stay when the only thing I ever bring unto you is tears of heartache and humiliation?

It breaks my heart into a gazillion pieces when I remember when it all started with my love for sweets as I ran into my uncle’s room when he called out to me to come fetch some. Uncle, that day not only did you take away my innocence and childhood, you tore my womb as you fiercely thrust into my littleness and gave me HIV. Mama I told you about it but all you cared about is “what would people say”, you could have put an end to my eleven years of suffering and I hope you are happy now because now you and I are sharing Anti retrovirals.

I still remember every weekday when you came back from work and instead of me as a little boy running to you dad, I hoped that the floor could open up and just swallow me instead. I felt my heartbeat increasing and I could swear it was going to burst in explosion at the sight of you, dad. That is how petrified I was of you. I remember when you said that I would amount to nothing in this world and Lord knows I wanted to prove you wrong but I guess all those harsh and tormenting words, all those nights when you chased me out the house and locked me outside - it got to me.

When violence, cursing and being unruly is all that I knew, it is no wonder I’m writing this from a jail cell. Mama, all I know is that we shouldn’t have stayed...