jeremyt.40101
  Silver Member

The jumble of nostolgic images that create the foundation memories of one's past, of one's life spoke to me. I remember those commodities of cheese, peanut butter, and speghetti O's.

Lovely

Good poem. It has a moving subject matter and keeps a deeply stirring ambience throughout, I love you word choices. The poem gives me an old fashioned mood feel like "The Spires of Oxford" or "In Flanders Field." THe only reason I gave it a four is that there are places where the rhyme scheme, meter, and syllable length of the lines can be tightened up. Like I said "good poem" and with a little work it could be a great poem. Feel fre to read my poems and criticize the hell out of them. I love feedback. Great job and Cheers, mate! more »

Nice ending.

Great opening stanza.

Going down this list of new poems on the page, this one was a breath of fresh air. It has a higher quality of subtext that is instantly recognizable. I always try to give feedback rather than just platitudes so here are a few suggestions. Feel free to ignore them.
I found myself wanting a few things from your poem:
There is room for more specificity in certain places, but if you prefer the ambiguous that is fine.
For example, you write "That etched deep/ From their hands/ And my own." All should understant self-wounds just fine, but who exactly are "they." I am not a fan of nebulous "theys."
Going with the museum metaphore, instead of just saying "scars," how about giving us glimpses of specific exhibits...maybe snippets of memory or distinct wounds.
Finally, I get that this is your body and not a real museum, but museums have spectators just as people always view and judge the body. Where are they in this poem.
Like I said, I really do enjoy this poem. If it says exactly what you want to say in the way you want to say it then good job. If you are still working it the great start!
Feel free to read and criticize any of my poems. Chew them up and spit them back out at me. I live on honest feedback. more »

Your second stanza is your best one.

Alcoholism is definitely a major part of this poem. When I first wrote it over twenty years ago when i was still in college, I was in the early days of my alcoholism and did not yet know it. I did not grow up with alcohol. I grew up in an extremely fundamentalist Pentecostal family. My first enconters with alcohol and the freedom to explore my homosexuality both coincided with my college years. Unfortunately, it was not a healthy collision. I had severe family problems and self-esteem issues upon coming out. My mother was quite cruel. To me the worm at the bottom of the tequila is provides an ambivolent dichotomy: It is at one the very monstrous symbol of my pain and internalized homophobia and they symbol of release from that pain as by the time I have reached it at the bottom of the bottom, I will be completely numb or passed out. In a great sense, much of this poem is very literal. I actually wrote it in one night while drunk as a skunk and lying in a bathtub. more »

Indeed, Thank you. Feedback is a poet's best friend.

Your poem paints the setting beautifully.

How long does tallying take?

Nice. i like this poem, but I feel like it is not completly done yet. I think you can find some harder words and really give it some bite. Make your poem make us feel anxious. Make us feel like we have been punched in the gut, Beaming all my love and power to you. You will do great. more »

Nicely crafted! I feel like you have resurected the spirit of the Romantics. Kudos!

You have strong images which you use to present differnt parts of your identity. I love it. At times, your imagery truly activates the senses. I would love it if you would read some of my poems and give me honest feedback from poet to poet. Be critical. This is how we improve our craft. Je t'aime more »

Amazing! Your work is beautiful and suble, and it is well crafted and manages to reach that secret ache thant we all carry inside. Just lovely, dear.

Jeremy S. Turner