A Mother's Pain

I'm the mother of an addict,
and I don't know what to do.
It's been more than a decade,
so it isn't something new.

The pain, the fear, the darkness,
it doesn't go away.
I try so hard to hide it,
and push through each and every day.

During bouts of sobriety,
he's most amazing and so kind.
But then the devil returns,
leaving him so very blind.

Blind to the pain his family feels,
when his eyes are so empty and lost.
Blind to how much he gives up,
for a high at any cost.

I used to wonder where I went wrong,
but I'm beyond feeling shame.
Watching him hurts so badly,
but I know I'm not to blame.

I'm the mother of an addict,
and I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to help him,
I simply don't have a clue.

In my mind I've buried him,
a dozen times at least.
Will that ease the pain,
when he's really found deceased?

I've watched the machines breathe for him,
doing all the work.
While he just lies there helpless,
with only a periodic jerk.

He fights so hard at times,
enough to give me hope.
But sadly he seems to always,
fall back on the dope.

I don't know how much longer,
I can hide the pain and fears.
One of these days it will burst,
and I'll just break down in tears.

I'm the mother of an addict,
and I don't know what to do.
Please don't judge or shun him,
Lord knows he feels the pain too.